Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
