This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh god it's open bar.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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