I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
