Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
