Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
