The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
