Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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