You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
