K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
