there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
