"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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