Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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