adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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