Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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