i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
