Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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