I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
40s are totally the cure
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
