I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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