I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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