As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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