Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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