Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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