I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
