I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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