Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
