I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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