It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
