did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
