Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
