Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
