Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
home. puking in laundry basket.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We smell like vodka and hangover
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