I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
