dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
