just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
