i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
