We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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