franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
