I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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