NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
