? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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