Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
