That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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