Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
