I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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