Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
