can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
