my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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