areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
