So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
