May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
