i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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