just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
God, I missed his penis.
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