I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
