Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
