I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
